WORDS

Sunday, July 26, 2009

oh my gosh.
i knew my heart was breaking.
everything that was used to contain it fell with it.
but something amazing happened.
almost too good to be true!

i was contemplating not going church.
but i did not make up the tummy ache to miss bible study,
because it's true!
however,
something within me prompted me to take a train back home.
in every single stop,
the prompting got more desperate,
more intimidating.

i was stuck.
i knew it.
i was going to turn back and go home.
sooner or later.

but felicia appeared out of nowhere,
and that silent voice immediately vanished.
like it was afraid of felicia!

i was still doubting,
the throbbing in my heart was hurting.
but when i stepped into church,
i relaxed.
my tensed shoulders slummed with ease.
and during praise and worship,
i just kept tearing my pain away.
every tear was like a skin,
peeled awya and let me float away into the gust of wind.

and.
i was free.
=)
jealousy was no longer my issue.
because i know i don't need to be with God here!
hahahaha!!!!!

oh,
and i bought a new little monster!!!
my collection is now four!!!!

Labels: i am free

i've seen words that don't belong 6:20 AM

Friday, July 24, 2009

oh great.
this new art teacher apparently told me that most of my boards,
practically all,
are not linked at all....
my heart literally broke.

and at that instant,
i almost gave up trying.
trying to win.
trying be better than this.
this.

i just want to....
to lose all the way.
but i can't.
and i won't.
but however much i pray for change,
i still feel the same.
ugly.

wani says it is not it,
that what i interpreted about the teacher was wrong.
then how come i have this throbbing feeling in my heart,
that what i interpreted was right........

then i am right after all.
i am ugly.

she is not me.
she's smart, quick, good at almost everything...
but i am not.
i'm fat.
i'm dumb.
i'm everything a girl don't want to be.
i'm it.

i'm such a failure......

Labels: this is not getting better everytime

i've seen words that don't belong 12:28 AM

Sunday, July 19, 2009

wow!!!
today's church was amazing!!!
i prayed and prayed...
the anoiting was simply dumbfounding....
i think i would have fall under the spirit.......
if i was not so self-conscious of myself!!!
haha........

so fully energised now!!!!!!
but i was reluctant to leave the presence....
fellowship was ok-ok laaa.
i went to eat with my family instead of the cg,
so sat there and drool at the others' food......
hahaha!!!

after dinner,
a walk around the jurong centre,
it is like seriously big.....
my dear sister told me that a certain someone likes her,
hinting that i should say it out,
be jealous of her.......

she kept saying,
aiya, he looked jealous...
what do you think he's jealous of?
ewww....
and she was so smug about that....
>.<

haahaa...
ok,
cheerio!!!

church is cool,
God is cooler!!!!

Labels: i am living like i am not alive

i've seen words that don't belong 3:46 AM

Friday, July 17, 2009

why?
why did she have to do this to me?

to make me pin on high hopes,
thinking that that day will be the best day of our secondary school....
but why on earth did she just throw me away,
living me with so many unanswered questions and pain...?

i feel unappreciated,
sad,
angry,
and horribly betrayed.

yes,
betrayed.

that is what i feel right now.

i want to know what is going on.
but she will give me answers right?
right?
i accept the answer," my phone died for the whole day and weekend." too you know?
i don't mind,

just give me an excuse to ease this anxiety within me...........

Labels: why on earth did she evr did that

i've seen words that don't belong 10:57 PM

the best picture a girl like me world ever own....
=D

Labels: i love all my brothers and sisters so much

i've seen words that don't belong 10:52 PM

the three musketeers!

looks up people!!!

a shop on 'main street'

mmm... my hair ok or not... aiya!!! got camera~~~ ack!!! haha!!

mmm... yummm

beautiful!!

hot boys alert!!

aiya!!! look here lehh!!!

ahhh! spiders!!!

beautiful lighting=beautiful photo!

aiya!! why you move, xue en!!!

yay!!!! they knew what it means by move after the second flash of my camera!

candid!!!

this is not blur, it's style!

ew. why chin hee look so weird!

open wide!! got your fave chilli alot alot ahh!

haha!!!!

mummy!! i at bar lehh!

fooooood!

aiya... too dark... but i love the silhouette of sam!!!

laselle!!!

smile for the camera~

mmm... what to eat ah??

cheese!!!!

haha!!!

today was so damn fun!!!

first,

we got lots of problem as muna wanted to back out,

wani did not want to come to school or reply us at all,

and i really damn hate her for that.......

the whole situation was falling apart......

and so,

the threeios finally went to cityhall!

gina, susana and me!!!!

it turned out to be so fun!!!

susana began smiling again,

my heart began opening and forgetting the problems,

and gina's tiny smile became a huge grin!!!

hahahha!!!!

susana and i walked around after gina left...

this is the first girl friend i have to spend 50 bucks within five hours!!!!

hahhaha~~~

laselle trip turned out from okay to brilliant!

i got to understand sean alittle more than before!!

and mick is not a bad guy...

and i finally found out grayson's surname is chia!!

or mac...??

haha!

and sam is an amazing guy with an amazing smile!

hahaha!!!

i hope this cell group will not fall apart,

because i pray with all my heart,

we will grow together like brothers and sisters!

and with xue en as our physical daddy!!!

and with God as our spiritual daddy!!!!!!!!

hahahaha!!!

and so,
who the hell says a birthday must have the birthday girl around?

hahahha!!!

Labels: this is the seventh of july and this is the day i rocked the w

i've seen words that don't belong 9:58 PM

Monday, July 13, 2009

number one on the menu,
i lost track of dates.
hahaha.
i thought today was 9th of july when i did this australia exam thing and found out that today is the 13th of july.
hahaha!!!

and number TWO,
the australia exam thing is SO boring!!!
for your info,
i lost four important periods of class time!!!
however,
i got a good reason for forgetting homeworks.
hehe.

today,
i was not even scolded by ms tay for entering class late!!!

f.y.i. it is also not my fault we dragged our so-called recess time,
both sujun and peiting stomach ache...
one after another!!!
i sat in the toilet,
inhaling 'poisonous' gas for a solid twenty minutes!!
hahahaha!!!
boo hoo!
hahaha!!

the rest of the day was... ummm... boring?
hahaha!!!
ooooh!!
cannot wait!!
friday!!!
going out and going cg outing!
yay!!

however,
still must study!!!!!
argh!!

good news by the way,
my maths improving alot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha!!!
go go go!!

Labels: work out the maths work out

i've seen words that don't belong 7:30 AM

Sunday, July 12, 2009

“Can you hear the sound?”

“It’s loud, and deafening even, this resonance.
Can you hear it?
I’m sure you can, because your heart, like mine, is hollow.

Perhaps that what it means by being alone – that emptiness, even when you’re with many people.
It is the bottles with the most hollow that resonates the loudest, and produce the lowest, most melancholic sounds.

That, I feel travelling with similar frequencies from mine.”

“It’s called loneliness, isn’t it?”

i like it!!!
extracted from sae's blog---HOLLOW.

Labels: do not cry.

i've seen words that don't belong 5:17 AM

okay,
let's review...
i went to church earlier hoping to see himmmm...
but never comeeee...
so nevermind lorr.
hahahaha.

after bible study,
(alone with xue en),
i went with bob, mick, jeff, melvin the total guitarist, jovan and that's it.
we went book seats.

i don't know why,
but being with them,
i just feel good.
happy.
comfortable.
like part of them.
they wait for me,
and i am not afraid if they will disappear on me.
so, yeah.
that's good.

hahaha!!
=)
maybe it's because melvin and jeffrey are there.
so i get comfortable around them.
hahaha.
but during service,
dear jeffrey talked TOO much!!!!
hahahhaa!!!

irritating you know, mister!!??
hahaha!!!
i got to know sam's sister, a.k.a. my future sister-in-law.
hahahaha~~
(fineee..)

oh and not to mention,
xueen's new friend, jo, damn cute laa.
hahaha..
hot hot hot hot hot hot.

but he's too old for me.
=(
hahaha!!!
(i so flirt right?)

so,
everything went smooth...
i got to know niji a.k.a. sam's sister alot more,
while my sister is with you-know.
=P

whoa!!
sam and his sister has spilt personalities!!
seriously!!!
niji: smart, loud, tidy, clean and jovious!
sam: not smart(?), baritone and quiet, NOT clean and serious(pretty!)
hahahaha!!

finally,
sis and i reached amk,
bought ice cream and talked.
fun!!!
hahahaha!!!

Labels: life is GREAT

i've seen words that don't belong 4:33 AM

Saturday, July 11, 2009

haha!!!
felicia and eugenia's dresses are beautiful!!!!
matching!
the missing person who was present on that day was grayson.
M.I.A. for some reasons...
hahaaha!
however,
he appeared in a nick of time for the real shoot!!
what a shame!
hahahaha!!!
CG meeting yesterday was ama-a-zing!!
hahahaha!!
fun!
however,
i can see that sammikins and sister is (ahem) developing something?
hahahahha!!!!
sweeeet!!!
they always will laugh at each other's jokes,
and sit together,
walk together,
eat together...
do everything together laa, basically!
hahahahaha!!!
=P
something something!!!
hahahaha!!!
you can actually feel like gooseberry around them!
hahaaha...
oh noo!!!
i am so sad...
my mother don't want to go orchard today,
so i cannot see felicia perform strikeforce!!!
angry angry!!!!
i so badly want to see man!!!
hahahaha!!
=(
aw well...
will be changing skin again!!!
hahahhaa!!!
same as xiu xiu~!
scared she will jealous of my skin.
hahahaha!!!

Labels: have i?

i've seen words that don't belong 12:48 AM

Friday, July 10, 2009

thanks to my walking information counter a.k.a. sujun,
i suddenly thought of leaving school...
you know....

the exact last day of school...

it's good that i will not see teachers' faces or even CCAs again...
but it will be so heartbreaking,
when i enter an alien classroom to not hear jordan's boomings,
jiaying's crafty laughter,
wani's lame but adorable jokes,
gina's little silent whispering thoughts,
susana's craziness,
muna's put-bra-ing schemes,
jasmine's horniness,
kelly's weird tongues,
and finally, sujun's smiles and paramore-ness..........

it will be so quiet...
so painful to know that i will only have them in my memories only...
i don't want this to end.
these memories,
these friendships.
they're like diamonds that i have no choice but to throw them into the sea,
one by one......

in the word friendship, there will always be the word," end".
and it hurts.
it seriously hurts.

but i know God will be faithful to bring us back together.
God will be handsomely kind to bring wani, mun, jas, gin, suzie and i together again....
=)

and for that,
i praise Him with all my aching heart....

yay!!!!
hahahahaha!!!

Labels: do not cry over spilled milk because i will give you another glass

i've seen words that don't belong 8:17 AM

ooookay,
i have finally changed the blogskin!!
comment on it pleeeease!!!
the picture i ownself find de!
hahahhaa!!!
the photographer who took that is plain genius!!
note: i did not steal anyone's work......

Labels: smile for the damned camera

i've seen words that don't belong 1:40 AM

Thursday, July 9, 2009

i wonder if i can find a new blogskin...
OK!
"mission skinner" is on!!

songs: check!
facebook game on: check!
my windows live messenger on busy mode: check!!!
ok!!!

wish me luck!
i am going in to find a new blogskin!!!
hahahhaa!!!

i wonder what i want....
mmm...
surely something purple!
hahahhahaa!!!!

Labels: smiles checked

i've seen words that don't belong 11:59 PM

okay,
that is what you get when you let your heart win.
literally!

this few days i just do not feel like socialising,
even when someone warms up to me...
haha.

i AM weird, aren't i?
even wani, i always get high with her around, i just cannot.
not this week i hope...

and so,
i have not made ANY friends this week,
thanks to my heart.
hahhaha....

and to muna pun: I UPDATED!
and to kelly tan piak piak: i did not put too much space now ok??
hahahaha.....

i am damn exhausted......

Labels: when you let your heart win

i've seen words that don't belong 6:36 AM

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

why?

why does life have to take one onboard its ship and then throw him out of it?

why does life have to be so darned sadistic?

after i watched Michael Jackson's tribute,
i found out that i am not the only one actually questioning life...

no one gets left behind or forgotten...

than why are so many thrown away or screaming for help in the middle of an endless ocean...

however,
i know that life goes on and on...
and whatever that comes will go...
quietly...

when shakespeares died,
his discription of his death was plain and simple yet complicated...
"he died."
and no more.

just like Jackson,
i have stepped into this world empty-handed and scared of the unknown future,
and will leave this world once more empty-handed and afraid...

there is no happy ending in life,
as there is no ending at all...

but god is sweet and kind,
he will led the way with his mighty light...
let us be the head and not the tail!
hahahaha!!!!

to michael jackson (if he can read this):
don't lose faith in the one true love...
for he never lose faith in you!
good luck and whatever happens,
pick yourself and smile...

Labels: pick yourself up and smile when you fall

i've seen words that don't belong 7:56 AM

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

i was like so damn slackish in school!!!
argh!!!

and i actually spent on wani's present like around 20 bucks!!??
broke broke...
=(
and even bought a new pencil box out of cravings....

and
i think this is the most expensive present i ever bought for someone.
hahahhahaa!!

but seriously,
wani wani is my good good GOOD friend, a.k.a. great friend,
so yeah,
i think(?) it is worth it.......

but sometimes when i call someone my best friend,
i am always worried if she thinks otherwise,
that she secretly hates me.....
that she secretly want to betray me when i am off my guard...

oh man...

i am so insecure.....

in my whole life i only called two people my best friends,
and the rest are all good or great friends...

maybe this is why i never even stead before!!!
hahahahhaa!!!

i just want to give my friends space....

oooh!!!
i bought a new little monster!!!
thanks to shermin for telling me where to buy it,
and wani for lending me money and accompanying me to buy it!!
=D

i called it little obscene nose!
hahahha!!!
you all will know why sooooon.......
=P

got to go, people!!!
it's praying time!
=)

Labels: God blessed the broken road and let me straight to you

i've seen words that don't belong 6:54 AM

Saturday, July 4, 2009

okay,
it was fun.
hahahahaha!!!

i actually sat beside chin Hee and jeffrey,
when grayson arrived and surprisely sat beside me.
hahahaha.

i never noticed before,
but grayson's stare is hard, almost cold.
like looking into the eyes of a executer.
not afraid to look at people in the eye and read their emotions,
while no one in this world can.
hahaha...

no wonder he got the title fighter so quickly.
hahahaha.

then,
fellowship came and we all sat together and play guitars.
MELVIN LIKE ROCKS ON GUITARS!!!
he learnt on you-tube within 5 months or so.....
hahhaa!!

except those shy shy ones,
chin Hee and Jeffrey.
and sometimes grayson.

and so......
in conclusion: FUN.
hahahhahaa!!!!

got to go, people!!!!!

Labels: see the world in my eyes

i've seen words that don't belong 1:49 AM

Friday, July 3, 2009

i feel that this song decoy by paramore is kind of nice...
but you all have to go listen to it yourself...
hahhahahaa!!!

Close your eyes and make believe
this is where you wanna be
forgetting all the memories
try to forget love
cause love's forgotten me.

Well hey,hey baby it's never too late
pretty soon you won't remember a thing
and i'll be distant as stars reminiscing
your hearts been wasted on me.

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

You've never been so used
as I'm using you
abusing you, my little decoy
don't look so blue
you should have seen right through
i'm using you, my little decoy.

Living life inside a dream
time is changing everything
forgetting all the memories
and i'm forced into you just cause your into me.

Well hey, hey baby
its never too late
when i'm gone you won't remember a thing
but i can't stay and you know i won't wait
i was gone from the very first day.

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

You've never been so used as I'm using you
abusing you, my little decoy
don't look so blue
you should have seen right through
i'm using you, my little decoy.
oh oh

I'm not sorry at all
(not sorry at all,not sorry)no
i won't be sorry at all(not sorry at all,not sorry)no
i'd do it over again.

Don't look so blue, my little decoy
you should have seen right through, my little decoy
you've never been so used, my little decoy
As I'm using you, my little decoy.

DECOY rocks!!!
BORN FOR THIS rocks harder!!!!!!!

Labels: a boo-yahhhh

i've seen words that don't belong 8:56 AM

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

i am so odd today,
as if i keep saying the wrong thing.

and every time i say them,
i immediately regret it...
and the guilt just stays with me like a headache.

i don't know,
but i just keep doing it.
it is like rubbing salt to your wounds when you already know it will hurt.

i am so so so sorry!!!
(to: don't know, it is just countless...)
hhahaha...
=/

oooh!!
wani got a stray kitten!
she seemed to want to keep it...
because she bought all the bowls and toys for it.
hhahahaha!!!

i wonder if i can make such a commitment...
taking after something that is not mine at all...

however, i know it is cute...
although i have not met it yet...
hahhahaha!!!

i am wierd right?
=P

that is after all my speciality!!!
hahahhaa!!!

aw well,
going to pray now!!!!!

Labels: i will bless the LORD

i've seen words that don't belong 6:41 AM